With My Freeze Ray I Will-

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This article focuses on claims made by little kids in this video.

    It's called: "THE THAW"

    You don’t have to watch the video to understand what I’m talking about, mind you.  I recommend you do, it is kind of funny...  but you don't gotta ‘cause I quote directly each thing I’m responding to, so don't worry about wasting your time.  If you do watch it, make sure to dislike it to do your part in representing the Internet’s disdain for everything they are trying to do.  …Unless you actually like the video, in which case: 

   

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    So.  It looks as though this is a video made by kids sick and tired of the way that they see Christianity is being treated nowadays.  Let's see some of the things you kids got to say:

"Christianity is being completely frozen out of America."

     Haha, Oh dear.  I sense some impending members of the biggest majorities in America with grossly larger amounts of influence and power than everyone else pretending that they are a persecuted minority.

"Why Can’t I Pray In School?"

You can.  I mean… the school can’t sponsor prayer, though.

"Why do I have to check my religion at the door?"
You don't.

“Why can’t I write about God in my school papers?”

Huh?  When was this ever a thing?  These guys need to learn about specifics here. 

“Why do I have to tolerate people cursing my God, but I’m not allowed to talk about by God, and my faith?”

Yeah, this is too vague.  If it’s referring to tolerating kids saying using their lord’s name in vain, it’s because that’s how people talk and they don’t follow your religion so you have to.  If you’re talking about teachers then maybe we should define what ‘cursing your god’ is.  Just not sure how to respond to this onacounna I don't know what you're talking about.

“Why are they taking God out of my history books?”
     He was never there to begin with...  The Christian God is not a historically documented figure.  Not nearly enough historically documented proof.  If there was, you wouldn’t need to have faith in him.  Plus there's that whole Separation of Church and state thin-

“Why do they teach every other theory in science, except for creation?”

     Oh fuck.  They’re these kind of kids.

Well.  It’s because creationism/intelligent design IS NOT A SCIENTIFIC THEORY AND THERE IS A VERY SPECIFIC DEFINITION OF WHAT A SCIENTIFIC THEORY IS AND CREATIONISM HAS NOT EVEN COME CLOSE TO RESEMBLING IT.

Ahem.  Oh my.  That was inappropriate.  I’m sorry I yelled at you.  You’re just kids and all.  You’ve still got time to learn about the world…

Why do I get called names because I believe in marriage the way god designed it?

Well...  It depends on what names you are called, I suppose.  If you’re being called an ignorant child promoting the idea that a just society should unnecessarily oppress the rights of minorities because of other’s religious faith, that would be understandable.  Or maybe if they called you-

"Some even call us hateful, hypocrites, unloving, close-minded, BIGOTS (Point at the screen)"

Oh.  Well.  There you go. 

"bigot  (ˈbɪɡət) http://dictionary.reference.com/help/luna/IPA_pron_key.html
— n
	a person who is intolerant of any ideas other than his or her own, esp on religion, politics, or race"

     -(Dictionary.com)

     You are bigots because you fit the definition.  No matter how young.  Close-minded is kind of a no-brainer, so you should be able to figure that one out.

You are hateful because you promote hate towards an unnecessarily persecuted minority group that has no reason to be recognized as deserving of less rights than anyone else, save for religious reasons that ignore the first amendment of our constitution. Until there are a shit ton of Christian kids killing themselves because of bullying from marriage equality kids, you kindly turn the other cheek and shut your fucking face.

     You are hypocrites because your evidence for the god you believe in is in a Biblical passage.  That in itself isn’t hypocritical, but treating the Bible as God’s word, damning those who don’t follow it while not following it yourself is.  Nobody really follows the Bible to the T, people still work on the Sabbath, people eat shellfish and shit, and because our society has become cool with those things it’s as though you are aware of a Biblical endnote none of us know of that says: “*All of this stuff is the word of an omnipotent, infallible God, until it’s not cool with the society you’re living in anymore.” 

     You don’t get to decide what is God’s word and what isn’t, if it’s the Bible then it’s the Bible.  If you shit on people for not following it when you don’t, then you are a hypocrite.

     And not ONE of you in the video was wearing a shirt not made of mixed fibers.  I know.  I’ve got an eye for these things. 

Unloving is the only one that’s a little problematic.  If it’s just referring to being unloving of your fellow man and not saying that hateful people are unable to love, then I’d agree.  There have been plenty of passionate, loving people who just so happened to hate people for terrible reasons.

“Why can’t Tim Tebow praise God after making a touchdown without causing a national uproar?”

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.  Whoa.  Some people poking fun of the piety of a guy who plays a sport isn’t a fucking national uproar.  You know what was a national uproar in response to events in the world of sports?  INTEGRATING BLACK PEOPLE.  Let’s save words like that for things that they actually describe, yes?

 
     My deal is if what he’s doing is thanking God as an intervening source of the good things that happen to him, then that’s fucked up and stupid.  God is going to come down and make sure Tim Tebow wins some game and he’s just going to let the 16,000 children starving to death every day go without a loaf of bread and a fish?

But I’m not going to fucking talk about Tim Tebow.  Who gives a shit?  If the point is trying to make it seem as though sports are being aggressively anti-piety by saying that people poke fun of the guy who is just the most fucking ridiculous and over-the-top with it, it’s a lame point.  People make fun of everything that is distinguishable about anything. 

But fucking seriously.  99% of what happens in sports are fucking inconsequential compared to fucking everything.  Let’s stop treating it like it’s the biggest deal in the world just because it’s more exciting than the things that matter way more.

“The football coach at Ridgeland High school in Georgia was investigated by the school board…”

Fuck.  More football.  Alright.  Go on.

“Did he abuse a student?”

That would warrant an investigation, probably a police investigation, though.

“Is he a terrorist?”

…What?  …What in the fuck do you guys think the school board is?  After the Boston Bombing do you think the School Board all put on their suits and hurried to the scene to start an investigation?

“He allowed local churches to feed his football team.”

(Sarcastic gasp)

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Guys.  He works for a school and he was bringing students into a church.  This shit raises flags.  The Freedom From Religion foundation had concerns about that and that’s what sparked the investigation.  This is what foundations like FFR do, and when a concern is brought to the school board they investigate it.

You know… Gay, Lesbian, Queer and Transgendered kids are bullied to the point that they kill themselves.  THIS is a very common occurrence. The government doesn’t allow them the equal rights of heterosexuals, and they are treated by their communities as less than human.  There are some that are killed and raped just for being who they are.
     Is this the best you got to prove how shit you guys have it?  Something questionable happened, someone complained and the school board did their job?  I mean, I feel like I should probably detail why the separation of church and state exists, but I feel like I’ll definitely get a chance later… 

In public school, I’m called lesbian (or gay) for not kissing (because) I want to save myself for marriage.

Well, that’s definitely not cool.  People assigning labels to you without knowing you when you’re in a chapter in your life underlined by self-discovery and picking on you is mean. 

But again, this pales in comparison to a closeted kid being called gay for their behavior and being outed, or an out kid being ridiculed for being gay.  You taking greater offense at it than someone else because you think that being gay is a bad thing is PART OF THE PROBLEM.  Until there are a shit ton of Christian kids killing themselves because of bullying from marriage equality kids, you shut your fucking face until your start to show some respect for the dead and how lucky you are to be so privileged that these are your problems. 

Also, what you’re talking about is goddamn uncommon.  I mean, I don’t know how old you are, but seriously nobody’s first kiss is after “I now pronounce you man and wife”.  Not even Abstinence Only education said you can’t kiss a chick ‘fore you slip a ring on her…

“In public school, dating is an obligation.”

That’s just not true.  Plenty of us who went dateless through public school are evidence of that.  I mean, those of us who weren’t just background to most people and did receive shit from people didn’t because we did not have a significant other.  At least I’ve never heard of a single case of that.  I ain’t got no statistics to back that up, but they're the one's being anecdotal and they’ve got the burden of proof, so I don’t know what else to say.

"In public schools, people are rude and disrespectful towards CHRISTIANS!"

   People are rude and disrespectful towards everyone.  Just because you're Christians doesn't mean you deserve special treatment above everyone else and have no one ever be rude or disrespectful towards you.

"What we see in our health classes

                           'Sex Education'

Fourth grade and up-

                         "Is PORNOGRAPHY"

     

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     Holy shit.  We are in really fucked up territory here.  You guys don’t get to just say shit like that and walk away.  Name one case where any teacher, as a part of the curriculum, showed children material meant specifically to sexually arouse them and not educate them.  I don’t care if you’re kids, you should know by now to not LIE.  

“Dirty jokes fill the hallways between classes.”
    Hey.  What did Professor McGonagall get Harry Potter on his birthday?  

    She wrapped his head with saran wrap and shit watery diarrhea on his face. 

      

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      Not really even a joke.  But it’s disgusting and unpredictable and fun.  This is what some of us did during high school.  School sucks, growing up sucks.  So we entertain each other, bond and forge friendships through an incredibly stressful point in our formative years with various methods.  If you don’t like my methods, don’t hang out with me. 
     Dirty jokes have been around since before fucking Canterbury Tales, you ain't pining for the good ole' days when you say you want them gone.  You're pining for the days the sun has never shone on, and never will.

“Despite modern popular belief, America was founded as a Christian nation.”

Motherfucking Christ…

I’m getting sick of this.
     No!

It wasn’t!

A Christian Nation would be a theocracy.  We are not that!  The first amendment of the constitution prevents our government from being anything but secular, as in not respecting an establishment of religion.  Not any sort of religious.

And some of the most influential founding fathers weren’t just NOT Christian, they were very aggressively ANTI-organized religion in general.

THOMAS JEFFERSON:

Edited the New Testament to remove references to the supernatural, miracles, and indications of Jesus’s divinity.  Why?  Because he didn’t believe it, while he dug Jesus’s philosophy.  Talk about disrespect for the words of God.

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN:

    "I have found Christian dogma unintelligible. Early in life I absented myself from Christian assemblies."

    "The way to see by Faith is to shut the eye of Reason."

    "Revealed religion has no weight with me."

    These guys wanted freedom and equality for their kind too.


    To all the founding fathers though, their kind was only white, male, land owners, yeah...  Sure...  Most of them owned slaves....   Maybe our foundation ain't that solid and we should stop romanticizing it.

   "In 1962 the supreme court decided that prayer was unconstitutional in schools."

Yes.  School-sponsored, mandatory prayer.  School is a government institution and the separation of church of state exists, and should.

    "In 1963, courts rule the BIBLE unconstitutional.  Saying that if the Ten Commandments read in school, kids might be inclined to follow them!"

    Yeah, the first amendment of our country DIRECTLY CONTRADICTS the First Commandment.  God says, “Have no god’s before me” Constitution says, “Have whatever/how many gods you believe, and no one can do anything about that.”

"REALLY?"

    Yes, really.  A government institution telling kids that you can only believe in the Judeo-Christian god is awful.  There are other people in our country, kids.  Fucking deal with it.  Just because you ARE the majority doesn’t mean you get to treat everyone else like shit, and just because our rules forbid you to, doesn’t mean you are being persecuted, it just means YOU can’t persecute US.

     Kids…  I want to go easy on you, because you’re only half-formed people who are just following lock-step what your parents tell you and a shit ton of you will see the real world the minute you get out of their reach, but I don’t think you would appreciate me going easy on you.  You all clearly want to change the world and make a difference. 

     So I’m taking what you said just like anyone else said it.  Show you the respect you deserve.

     It’s all wrong.  It's all wrong and it stinks of uneducated, privileged members of the majority who have no idea what it feels like to be persecuted, pretending that their right to persecute and make the world unfair is being unnecessarily restricted and that is akin to persecution in itself.

You simply do not deserve to act this way.  This isn’t a fucking game.  There are people seriously being discriminated against and being persecuted for victimless crimes and you pretending like you’re fucking kin to them, or like your problems are worse than theirs is fucking offensive.

     Imagine one day as a gay kid in an all-Christian school in the south.  Imagine one day as a transgendered kid anywhere.  When you’re so hung up on moral-absolutism and rules from fucking thousands of years ago it might be hard to see seriously people who are persecuted and abused by a society that includes kids like you.

    I don't like the word 'bullying'.  It really diminishes what's going on, and so many kids don't recognize what they're doing as bullying at all because it's so stereotyped.  It's abuse.  If kids are doing that to you, it's not okay.  But you still have no excuse for your abuse of others.

     So yeah, guess what.  We’re making the world fairer and you guys have less power to boss all of us around.  It sucks how you’re being treated if truly you have casted no stones, but when you are part of our society’s abuse of minorities, you, just like your abusers, revoke your right to sympathy.  The messed up kid who got beat up by his dad doesn’t get to use that as an excuse to beat his kids, and the bully who bullies because he got bullied is still a fucking bully.

     I can’t help but feel sorry for you.  Growing up is weird and it sucks and everyone’s hurting everyone to make it feel better.  It is some of the worst shit ever.  But I’m sorry.  If you are going out into the world to slut-shame my sister, single-out my queer brother and make everyone follow your beliefs just because you were born to a family who believes them, I don't care that you might think my fighting back is bullying, you're trying to change the world and you have to take opposition like grown ups. 

    You think you're frozen?  Alright.  We'll put you on fucking display just like all the other frozen cavemen.

     This is why we have freedom of and FROM religion.  You can believe whatever you want.  You are free from being forced Muslim, Jewish, and other religion’s practices and beliefs, and I am free from all of your horseshit, because unless you have secular/non religious backing to your concerns you’re bringing to the state, you are shit out of luck and for good reason.  Hopefully some of you will grow out of your myopic, self-serving stage of development, unlike your parents with their hands up your little asses making you talk and pose dramatically in front a black screen to scary music.





(Special Thanks to Jason Steele for the wonderful Psyducks.)