I've decided I'm probably just going to archive Lorem Ipsum, put bits and pieces up here if I ever feel around to it. It's up to 50 some pages right now in its unedited form, and looking over it, I'm pretty sure I don't want anyone to read it until I can sew a narrative thread, add fictional elements, change names and so on, or just until I'm dead. There's stuff in it I'm really, really done with and don't deserve a single second more of my time or thoughts. But it represents an important portion of my life where I grew up so much, and I don't want to lose that, so I held onto it and processed it and learned from it by thinking deeply and writing about it all.
Most of the people in it that I write about, probably 1/2 of the 10 or so characters are truly horrible human beings that don't deserve to be recognized in any fashion, let alone analyzed in the way that I did in this project...it makes me feel bad that I'm almost doing them a service, giving them attention, letting them know they got to me, let them know that they had an impact at all, no matter how negative; that is way more than they deserve from anyone and it fills me with conflict about the whole situation. It never stopped me from actually writing, and I'm never going to stop writing about people who have an impact on me, but now that I'm thinking of publication and letting an aspect of my life that has always been intensely personal be sent out into the world and possibly get a certain degree of attention, it makes me think of everything from a new perspective. I'll probably write about it more at some point, but as of now that's where I'm leaning.
Tune in tomorrow for the thing I talked about before that I'll give a title to when I feel like it/get around to it!
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